That Hales Babe

Sometimes there is an aching deep inside of me that I can’t escape. I’m not depressed and I am not on the edge. No amount of medication or therapy can take away the memories. Sometimes I just need to cry and when there is nobody strong to hold me, my world crumbles and I must somehow find strength within myself to carry on. Some memories a person cannot escape, no matter how hard they might try. Nightmares seep through the pleasant dreams and waking up with shivers and a feeling of loneliness that only being held can solve. I’m not perfect. But despite all this, I should be worth enough knowing. I won’t come to you and burden you with my grief, and you may never even know some days I am weeping on the inside while attempting to smile on the outside. Sometimes a simple joke or comment will create a break inside my soul and all the pain seeps through back into my world. No band aid can cover these wounds. There is no eraser to fix errors of my life-story. I cannot go back and change the actions of others who hurt me. I cannot go back and change all that has happened. But I can go on each day pretending that it hasn’t. I can continue smiling on the outside, never allowing you to know the side of me that is crying out for a shoulder to cry on, for arms to hold me tight while I cry, not saying a word, just holding me. On the outside I will smile and pretend all is ok, because sometimes that is the only way to cope. Sometimes that is all I can do to get me through until tomorrow and then i might be able to smile both inside and out…